TUESDAY
13/06


Should I say blogging as a disaster or something
which i turn to when i am not feeling good?
well.
I hope that blogging is not a disaster for me.
definitely not.
but it does not seems so to me.
there are many advantages and disadvantages about blog.


I am not in a right mood these few days.
partially because of the bills.
and the thing i am always stuck in.
I has yet find a way out of these prob.
but it does not help me to stop thinking abt it.
I have been asking myself if i had really done it wrong in the
first place.
but i could not say out as it is not her wish.
i am so stuck now.
i now that maybe they won't blame me.
but i think that i am part of it.
well.. let's hope that everything will be fine soon!


My mum has been a great terror to me.
even though i am unhappy.
i could not voice out.
i just had to shut my mouth up.
i do not know what is wrong.
but I just know that everything is my fault just because
i am not the brillant kid in this place.
and even though i had tried my best.
it does not prove her any wrong.
at first i though that she was stressed out about moving house.
well.. some part is true.
but others not.
when she came home after worked.
she started scolding.
i don't know why.
and the first person she scolded is me.
just because i was using the com or using the phone.
i was so pissed last night.
i only used the phone for less than 10 mins
she shouted like as if i had burned out the phone.
i felt like arguing back.
but i kept quiet.
everything changes when i came here.
i can't understand.
i don't feel that we are more close than we used to.
even though i might be out at times.
now is even worst.
i seldom talk now.
after dinner i will go up to my room and stayed there till next day.
i just felt that it is pointless talking to them.
as they will push the fault to me.
i felt anti-social now.
I missed my old place.
I really missed it!
I missed the place where we will be abled to talk more.
I missed the part that we can share things.
I could not stand it anymore.
I could not!
*tearing.

My mum is back now.
and the first sentence she said was not "hi, I am back."
but she "scolded" me again.
*i wonder how long i need to hold on now*
This holi just sux!
IS ever boring.


I had finally completed reading the book.
it was indeed a very nice story.
but the ending was an unhappy one.
i am getting tired!!
I had to stop touching my phone these few days.
my mum will scream till crazy if she see me touching it.
*sorry to those who have sms me or call me*
PBB camp is just next week.
and the packing list has not been given.
what we have to bring..
is a hard questiong to answer.
i DO not like last minute.
I just hate to rush things up last min.
FURTHERMORE... i hate making desicion.
Don't ask me how and where.
i hate it when i am so troubled making desicion.

i have to be back to my *troubled land*
NO.. i shall say.. i am back to this place when i am not out.

I hate myself for everything.
I hate it.
I hate it.
why must i be the one who need to be responsible?
WHY?
WHY?

a big question running through my head recently.
I HATE IT!


SENTOSA TRIP IS ON FRIDAY!
MEET AT 10.30a.m.!!
THX YOU!


*sorry for not letting you know how i feel now*
*i do not want any worries for you*


*i wonder how you are now.
even though we had not talked much recently.
i hope that you are fine now.
I hope that the thinkings will be gone!
smile always.. take care!*


well.. i shall end my post now!
=)
take care peeps.
AND JEROME!!!
DRINK MORE WATER EVERYONE!!!!