I am tired.
came back after night study.
study for a-maths test which is on tomorrow since ytd.
my brain is tired.
but nevertheless..
all the troubles and problems keep flowing through my mind.
even though i seriously want to focus,
i can't.
I am just tired of being myself right now.
I am wondering..
wondering what will happen after "O".
It is a serious big question mark to me right now.
I do not know how to answer about what i am going to do.
even though i am thinking some of it right now,
but i just don't know whether to continue this thinking.
actually.. i hate to watch idol series.
because everytime i watch one story, my
heart and mind will start to change for different views.
but i did not do it the way.

Don't ask me why i am so dull and moody everyday.
even though i may seems all right, but everything isn't right.
I don't blame anyone for the disturbing images.
thinking through what had happened had really caused
me to think why everything just happened to me.
i seriously hate that day.
i hate it to the sore.
i know is fun disturbing someone.
but think of this, when i disturb you.. will you ever like it?
if you don't, what for disturb others?
don't you know that disturbing someone will cause him/her to
think alot?
don't you know that disturbing someone will cause them to feel
uneasy?
I can seriously tell you that i had exploded that day.
I did not show out because.. i felt that it was pointless.
if ever showing out that you are unhappy and it works.
it is a miracle.
i hate to stuff every single stuff into my brain.
i am tired mentally..
and i am tired physically too.
i can't suffer on.
i hope for better days.
if you could ever not disturb people, it will be a better day
for me.
i seriously hope.


i can be easily affected by what you say.
i am overcoming this.
but i doubt so...
should i continue this relationship..?
it has turned out to me that i should stop dreaming about
my own sweet fairytale.
as every step i am trying to be into this,
it is a nearer distance to hurt..
don't blame me if i really hurt our relationship towards
one another.
maybe i am just worn off with everything i have now.
i can't continue to be the one smiling and not
bothering what people says about me
i hate people doing some silly and childish thing behind my back.
as when i know it.. it hurts me twice the pain
if i ever scolded you.
but no worries.
i won't easily get to start to open my mouth.
i will tolerate or not even bother with the stuff.
but.. once again... it will set me thinking of what is really best for me.


i am most probably leaving.
even though it was the first place i get to know GOD.
but i do not like being transparent.
i hate it.
anyway..
if there is changes now..
i don't think it will bring me back to there.
but well..
i shall wait and see..
as i have not make up my mind.