What a joke?
the thing i am so looking forward to..
turns out like that.
i am such a fool.
why did i lie to myself once again?
i am just acting smart!
but i just failed.
this joke.. when i look at it myself.
i just feel that i am such a retard.
i am just stubborn believing that i am good enough.
but things just turn out to be worst.
when can i learn my mistakes?
when can i be independent?
when can i be emotionless?
when can i be strong?

teach me how to be a better person to you.
teach me how to walk away without turning back.
teach me how to be strong.
teach me how to be independent.
teach me how to be heartless.

i guess that i am having a personal phobia after the incident.
i know for myself i have to overcome this phobia.
i know that no one will be rushing his/her way down to save me.
i know that i have to be on my own.
i know that i have to stop thinking so much!

ytd i went to the library with eda.
she was busy studying for her exams.
and actually i suppose to do my hw.
but i end up slacking.
and i stoned.
maybe it was my phobia.
i could not stand stranger staring at me!
i knew that someone was staring at me!
i was afraid.
i was lost.
can someone please tell me that i am not having
this phobia after the monday's incident?
i guess that i will suffer this phobia myself again.
Be strong, ShiPing!


i am letting go of my dreams.
never wanna remain them in me.
LIARS!
I HATE YOU!